Well the time has come to wrap up this Autism Awareness series and announce the giveaway winners! Thank you to everyone who took the time to read these posts; hopefully you learned something and that, after all, is the point of 'raising awareness'. And a HUGE thank you to all of the people who generously donated prizes. Let me know if I can ever help YOU with something!
I have debated about whether to include some information about the dreaded "M-word" that all parents dread....melt-downs! Of course all kids have those times of absolute and utter collapse, due to being over-tired, hungry, cranky, and probably, just being two years old. Or three...or four... etc... Because children with autism can be over-tired, cranky, hungry AND then get over stimulated, frustrated because of inability to effectively communicate, and so on...the Melt-Downs can be of nuclear proportions! And because they can often happen in public and cause quite a scene, I thought I would blog specifically about them as my closeout Autism Awareness post. Hopefully, being aware of these can help YOU, as a caring and compassionate person, and perhaps you can one day find a way to be helpful to a parent dealing with a autism-related Melt-Down.
To begin, let me introduce you to Ingunn. This incredibly sweet girl is originally from Norway, and we met during our college years in California. Now she and her husband are missionaries to Estonia. She has two young boys and the oldest has been diagnosed with autism. She and I have been able to encourage each other, and for that I am very grateful. It's interesting because it had been many years since we'd seen each other, and back in 2009 we met up at a conference in St. Louis, Missouri.
At the time, we didn't yet know that either of our oldest sons were on the autism spectrum, but as we talked with each other and observed our kids together, we commented to each other how similar her Christopher and my Samuel were...and not just because they were close in age. We talked about how they both had speech delays and how they acted so quirky sometimes. Ironically, after that conference we both soon had our sons diagnosed and it was very clear why our sons were similar! In our discussions about our sons, Ingunn shared a troubling experience she had while still traveling in America, and she gave me permission to share it here...
One of the episodes that I will never forget, and that just brought out the Momma Bear in me, happened at the Chicago airport. We were leaving the US to go overseas last May. It was already bedtime, and we had to wait in line to go through security, one more time. Christopher was restless and spotted a toy store right next to the line. I went with him, leaving Nate with Michael and all of our hand luggage. But when it came time to leave and get back in line, Christopher had a meltdown. Probably the worst it’s ever been. I carried him (4-year-olds are heavy!), people staring because he was screaming uncontrollably. There was no use in waiting in a long line, so I found a security guard, told her my boy had autism and that we needed help. She took me to the front of the line to take our shoes off, and another lady tried to tell Christopher not to scream (like his mother carrying him was worthless), and I looked her straight in the eyes and said, “My son has autism. Thank you for your help.” Fortunately, a third lady who worked on the other side of the portal that you go through was very helpful. Safely on the other side, she found us on the bench were I was holding Christopher and calming him down, brought our bags and said something like, “I respect you parents for all that you have to deal with. I understand that autism is tough.” Her words were soothing and very welcome after what almost seemed unreal while it was happening. I’m not confrontational or very direct as a person. But faced with having to fight for my son, something just rose inside of me.
This story touched a nerve in me because I've also had similar experiences, and I wanted to share one in particular that is seared painfully into my memory: at that St. Louis conference, Samuel and Olivia were both over-tired after the long flight, weirded out by the strange place and thousands of strangers and hotel room, and having to go to session after session in a huge auditorium with bright lights and loud sounds was all leading up to an Event. Olivia was just mildly cranky but was easily soothed, but Samuel just couldn't handle it anymore by the second night. He just completely freaked out. We were trying to talk to friends but it got more and more impossible as we realized he wasn't just crying like normal, but he was completely out of control. Screaming, crying, gasping for breath, unable to walk, his eyes wide and panicked. It was horrendous. We couldn't get him to calm down at all and we begin to see that this was not normal. We quickly walked back to our hotel (late at night with his cries echoing up and down the street) and got to our room (his cries echoing through the hotel) and tried to figure out what to do. Finally, out of desperation, I ran a full tub of warm water and got him into it. I knew that he liked playing in the bath so this seemed like a good idea. Little did I know that water therapy is often a successful way to help over-stimulated autistic kids, but luckily I acted on instinct and did the right thing. I grabbed everything in the bathroom that could be used as bath toys; the free toothbrushes and cases, soap dishes, shampoo bottle, hair clips...and he began to calm down as the warm water soothed him and after awhile, he stopped crying and just played quietly. We didn't get into bed until after 2 am, and after sleeping late the next day we made the decision to skip all the conference sessions and spend some family time together. We went to the Gateway Arch park and let our kids run and play for hours, enjoying just the sun, wind, grass, and stick fighting. My pastor's wife from Hawaii was speaking at the conference and I REALLY hated missing that, but I knew that my son's health was more important.
Much better! At the Gateway Arch having fun with Daddy.
This was the beginning of a huge mental shift for me and my life, and from then on I began making critical judgement calls about my family and what I would choose to be involved in and what events would just get missed. Being a mom is the most important job I have right now, and if it means that I miss tons of things (I do get to participate in some things), then I am totally OK with that. There will be plenty of time for some things later in life, but I will only have a few years to enjoy my kids' childhood and Samuel may need 150% of my time instead of just 100%. And that's OK.
I am blogging about these experiences so that YOU, dear reader, will understand the next time you see a child with autism melting down. You may ask; what can I do?
So glad you asked!
1. Don't judge. Don't even look judgmental or critical because it hurts to think that people are looking at you as if you are a bad parent who simply can't control their kid.
2. Offer to help. Yes! Go ahead! Smile nicely and look directly at the mom and say something like; "It looks like you are having a tough time, but I can tell you are a great mom. Is there something I can get for you?" Remember how much better kind words helped Ingunn feel?
3. If the mom has other kids, ask her if you can help watch them or keep them occupied while she deals with the situation.
4. If other people are staring rudely, try to distract them and get their attention diverted.
5. Later, if possible, talk to the mom and ask her how she is doing. Ask her if there is a way you can help should a public melt down happen in the future.
6. Tell your own kids how to be patient, loving, and non-critical of children who have trouble adapting to the normal ups and downs of life because of their autism. I've see a young girl come up and talk to Samuel while he's crying and that soothed him so quickly I couldn't believe it! Kids can help each other sometimes faster than an adult can.
7. Pray for the family.
8. Don't gossip about them or offer advice about how they should discipline their kid better. Yes I've had this happen! I've had people go into lengthly descriptions about the type of paddle they buy and how they use it to teach their kids to never act up in public, and if I would just do the same then I wouldn't have a problem with Samuel. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And now to our giveaway winners!!!
IF YOU ARE A WINNER I'LL BE CONTACTING YOU SOON TO GET YOUR MAILING ADDRESS!
If you didn't win anything, thank you SO MUCH for participating and I truly hope you enjoyed learning about autism.
To select the winners, I collected all the entries, numbered them, and used the Random.org number generator to pick the winners. Sounds complicated but thankfully for number-challenged me, it wasn't! So here are the WINNERS and their PRIZES:
1) Hand-sanded, polished, painted, & stamped wooden memory/matching game made out of tree branches, donated by Cheyenne and Robert Johnson.
WINNING ENTRY: # 57 Becky said...I'm a therapist and one of my all-time favorite clients was a teen with the diagnosis of PDD-NOS. His family always believed in and encouraged him to embrace his differences and pursue his dreams. He is studying psychology in a local community college right now. He left a mark on my heart that will always remind me to look at kids in light of their possibilities and dreams, not their difficulties! Great post.March 15, 2011 6:04 PM
2) Autism Awareness SCENTSY warmer donated by SCENTSY Consultant Shannon LaPuma.
WINNING ENTRY: # 107 Jamie said...I just found you through Evy's Tree and I have to say, I'm so happy I did. I have toddler triplets and 2 of the 3 have been diagnosed with Autism. I am just now trying to find a community and the best resources for them, so thank you!!
3) Navy Lacey Zip Up by Evy's Tree donated by Amy Miraflor.
WINNING ENTRY: #69 kendajo said...I actually had no idea that Samuel did not play imaginatively. I did know that he lined up his toys a lot. It's really interesting to see just how different and broad this really is.March 22, 2011 5:10 PM
4) Hand knitted boa scarf & matching beanie hat donated by Joy McMurray.
WINNING ENTRY: #37 tracie said...I've been educated from your post...wow...thank you so much. I've had so many questions, and I want to thank you for answers. Prayers for your family.March 15, 2011 7:49 PM
5) Autism Awareness wrap by Dainty Button donated by Charity Morgan.
WINNING ENTRY: #75 Audrey said...tweet tweet - this is fun! I'm ready for another post. :) Thank you for sharing! April 6, 2011 3:15 PM
6) Hand crafted hair accessory by Designs by Love, Michelle donated by Michelle Lagmay.
7) "Freckled Lemonade" hand-knitted bloomer and headband set donated by Amy Stoops.
WINNING ENTRY: #21 diandra26 said...follower diandra (vega) dtristan07@aol.comMarch 23, 2011 2:16 PM
SoShawna,
ReplyDeleteI have enjoyed reading all of your insights SO much. I have much to be thankful for and you inspire me. As Moms challenges are approached differently. You (& Ingunn) make me feel better because I have had that type of reaction and for a lot less reason. ha! But when GOD gave us these beautiful gifts HE commissioned us for greater things beyond ourselves. Just today, Hudson was telling me about something his cousin could do that we do not allow. He told me it "wasn't fair." How do you respond to a 4 year old? I finally told Hudson that GOD gave him to us and we are doing our best to raise him how we think GOD wants us to.
{Is it too early to go into us being a temple and what we do affects our reflection of HIM?}
I'm rambling... :o) but I wanted to tell you again how much I have appreciated your blogs. Even though Hudson had different challenges than Samuel, your words still speak to me.
hugs,
Audrey
p.s. did you see my post on your fb wall a week or so back about the company that donates some of their proceeds to autism research?