Saturday, April 24, 2010

Dear Mommy: Stop and Hold Me


Well hello everyone, yes it has been many moons since my last blog post. However, I am not apologizing. Sometimes things are just too busy to blog, right? But if I had to offer excuses, I do have two: firstly, I am in the last stages of the first trimester of this pregnancy, and much like last time I have been very, very sick. Let's just say when those pregnancy books off-handedly mention the "less than 1% of pregnant women who will suffer extreme hyperemesis gravida,"they might as well put my name in that sentence. It's just ridiculous how sick I've been, but I have hope that it will soon end! I have tried every medical and old-wives-tale remedy and although some things help a bit, nothing works very much. BUT I am NOT complaining....just sincerely wishing that the sickness part would end soon.

My second excuse for not frequently blogging is this little mess of a diva, seen here in her pigtails, princess panties (that she insists on wearing over her diapers), and big brothers cowboy boots: (pic removed by author)

She is VERY attached to me, and every time I sit down at the computer, she feels that the only place in the entire house she needs to be at that very moment is either on my lap, commenting on every thing she sees on the computer and making attempts to type herself....or standing on the chair behind me, sweetly singing and "scatching" my back, as she puts it. She's actually a pretty good back "scatcher" but still....it's hard enough to intelligently write when you are sick and exhausted...but much more so when you're distracted.

And I love that she's attached to me. I treasure these moments. I will leave the computer, turn off the dishwater and walk out of the kitchen, or get up from sorting the laundry just to sit down on the couch with her for our very frequent cuddle times. Things don't get done (including blogging, obviously), but Liv and I have many special moments together. Samuel wasn't much of a "sit and cuddle" type (is it a boy/girl thing?) so these are great times. She and I sit and sing, play with each others' hair, and tickle each other. We nuzzle each others' necks and make funny faces. We snack on random things that suit our immediate craving (my constant pregnancy hunger and she eats everything in sight, all day long), and laugh at the birds outside.

Maybe she's spoiled. Maybe I'm lazy. And certainly, I don't care if anyone believes either sentiment. Because one advantage I have in being an 'older' (over 30) mom is that I know how fast time zips by at a dizzy speed, never to be regained. I know these little munchkins grow up too fast and my time with them is too short. I will have years (later) to clean my house, write a blog, and sleep as late as I want. My years with these babies, however, is brief, so if I have to let the dishes pile to the ceiling just so I can get an extra hug out of my son or a soft kiss from my daughter, then so be it.

Samuel and Olivia 'helping' me sort the laundry by just taking over the laundry basket and making it a boat that will save them from the ravaging floods. I love that Samuel is also saving his favorite red & white puppy that was rescued from a yard sale.


Now the boat has become his bed, using Daddy's sleeping bag.


Living proof of how fast time flies: my nephew Joshua Royer when he was about Samuel's age. I was there when he was born!
This picture was just taken a few years ago....or so it feels.


Joshua graduating from high school, 2010. See....he grew up in just days and now he's a young man, about to enter the world on his own.



So I leave you with one of my all-time favorite poems:

Cleaning and scrubbing
can wait 'til tomorrow
For babies grow up,
we've learned to our sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs,
Dust go to sleep,

I'm rocking my baby
and babies don't keep.


(by Ruth Hulbert Hamilton
adapted by Wendy Lyn)

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

I {gasp} Like Being Pregnant!

I like being pregnant!

I know, this may seem odd in light of the extreme nausea I seem destined to endure every waking moment for the first trimester. I get sick if I don't eat. After I eat, I feel sick. When I wake up at night, I feel sick. In the morning, I am sick. When my husband turns over in the night and shakes the bed, I feel horribly sick. In the evening...well, you get the point.

And yet, while I was taking a shower last night, I stood under the hot water and in the middle of my slow, deep, anti-throw-up breaths the realization struck me; I like being pregnant!

Why? Because my body is doing exactly what it is intended to do. What it was intricately designed for, and what a man's body is NOT made to do, at all. Somewhere in the middle of making an Adam Clone from a spare rib, God thought it would be neat to veer from His original Blueprint for a Human and create a few extra organs. A uterus. Two ovaries with fallopian tubes. Miniscule eggs that amazingly are present when a girl is born and that contain the makings of more human, a sort of storage facility for yet more Blueprints for Humans. He invented the idea of Aunt Flo (yeah, maybe not exactly our favorite feature!) and set it all into motion.

The man is supposed to work with his hands and support his family. I'm sure that men feel great satisfaction from forming or creating something utilizing their brain and brawn; I know my husband feels immense pride when he can lay the paperwork aside, grab his power tools, and build a piece of furniture.

And on the flip side, the woman does her greatest work with her own body! With little brain or brawn required, her body is designed to naturally create the greatest masterpiece of all....another human. It's amazing to me that our female bodies; these emotional packages of monthly cycles and hormones, can actually function as a factory and build another human being in a small pear-shaped organ nestled beneath our stomachs (and uncomfortably close to our bladders).

So yeah...my back will ache. I'll spend time tossing and turning in bed between seven pillows that threaten to push my husband off his side. I'll wear a path in the carpet between wherever I am and the closest toilet. I'll eat like a horse but deposit more than a few meals into the closest receptacle when the nausea strikes. I'll cry over sentimental Hallmark commercials or when I read a headline about a missing child. The stretch marks will appear as a fleshy roadmap on my skin and the clothes will come in bigger sizes. My ankles will disappear from sight and shaving becomes an optional luxury or an attempt at strange yoga poses.

And afterwards, when the labor has been endured, stitches received, and my body has emptied itself of its burden, I'll stand in front of a mirror to survey the damage that includes a saggy tummy. Dark circles under the eyes. Soreness everywhere. I will survey the damage and say; "It is good!" I'll be proud of my body for doing its job successfully. I'll applaud it with a standing ovation and make a promise to it that I will not be embarrassed by its appearance because that would be like criticizing my husband when he comes home sweaty and tired after a long days work.

I will nestle my new baby's soft neck and thank God for His amazing creation; a woman's body and its unfathomable ability to reproduce.

9 Months Pregnant; August 2006


After Samuel Elton Gray joined us on August 19, 2006, after 2 hours of back labor then 8 hours of easy labor.

9 Months pregnant; October 2008


Going through 6 hours of easy labor; for some odd reason it made me feel better to scratch the back of Elton's neck during the contractions!

With my midwife and Elton, happy that Olivia Sunshine Gray joined us on October 17, 2008.



Thursday, April 1, 2010

The News, Cravings, and A Great Giveaway


Well now the secret is out so I feel like I can blog again without 'accidentally' letting The News slip out! Since we just recently went through the sad experience of a miscarriage, we were going to wait until the magical three-month mark was passed, but I've been soooo sick and it's becoming stressful to hide how badly I've felt when I'm around friends. And I'm at the 8-week mark, so hopefully everything is fine with this one. In the case of pregnancy, sickness in the first trimester is a good sign, or so they say. I've been reminding myself of that as I have laid on the living room floor, too sick to move an inch, and my sweet husband has been taking off work early to care for the kids. I've had to keep two big bowls by the bedside; one to utilize for the easing of nausea (trying to be gentle with words) while husband rinses the other one out and brings it back! Eeewww.....but anyway...needless to say, it's been a rough month but I know that it will all be worth it in the end. In November, when we are finally holding a blessing that we can TRULY be thankful for during Thanksgiving.

God is so good, isn't He? I heard a song on the radio today (Air1, my fav) that was simply saying: "Jesus, you are all I need....all I need...all I need." And it's true; my Jesus is everything to me and despite what life holds, if you have Jesus, you have enough.

I can already tell that I have pregnesia, or whatever brain ailment comes along with pregnancy hormones, because I just totally forget the deeply inspiring and thought-provoking words that I was going to say in the previous paragraph. Seriously, I was typing away in deep meditation on Jesus and I glanced over at Olivia eating her Mac 'N Cheese and yeah....the thought-provoking words melted out of my head and I started thinking about Mac 'N Cheese, and how I always have the weirdest food cravings with my pregnancies. They are always different!

#1 (Samuel) - Banana's...smell, taste, thought of them...made me sick. I wanted Claussen cold pickles during the first weeks but after that it was ice cream and Dr. Pepper.
#2 (Olivia) - Dr. Pepper...smell, taste, thought of it...made me sick. I wanted Claussen cold pickles during the first weeks but after that it was chocolate chip cookies.
#3 (this one) - Fried food is making me gag. I ate Claussen cold pickles and lomi salmon during the first weeks but currently, it's Vietnamese food or Hawaiian-style saimen.

So much for a spiritual blog. And I was going to talk about something really deep. Guess you'll have to tune in later if you are hoping for a spiritual nugget!

Oh and yes.... I wanted to mention this great giveaway going on at DearLillie's website. She is amazing and her creations are incredible. Here's a pic of ONE of the dress styles up for giveaway to the winner....this is the one I want! Isn't it awesome?I know I'd feel like a princess in it...who wouldn't? But if you want to enter and try to win, I wish you the best of luck....because I LIKE all of my blog followers and would like for ANY of you to feel like a princess in your very own beautiful dress :)


Here's the link to her website: http://dearlillieblog.blogspot.com