Spring Fever

I love Spring, don't you? Maybe it's because my birthday is in April, but I've always felt a stirring in my soul during the spring. I can visualize winter doldrums dropping off my body...if only it was actual pounds dropping off said body...but anyway...

Happy spring! We've had an eventful few weeks! My husband has his birthday in early March, then our anniversary is in mid-April, with my birthday just two days afterwards. And YES, my husband always does a fantastic job keeping the holidays separate! I get gifts/cards for both events. He is awesome about this, I must say. Even on our honeymoon cruise, he had the chef make a special birthday cake for me...although they got confused and my 'birthday' cake said "Happy Anniversary"...weird to see when you've been married exactly 72 hours!

THIS birthday was the first year that I got a card picked out and written in by my 4-year old son. He may be on the autism spectrum (see my previous blog posts), but the kid is smart and this is what the inside looked like:

Yeah, I cried a bit. Who wouldn't?

The Saturday before Easter was our annual Easter Egg Hunt in Waikele. So much fun! Samuel moved up this year from the 'baby' group of ages 0-3, and he had to wait until the 4-7 age group to go. Here they are waiting for the starting horn to blow.

Why yes, of course she wore a pair of her princess heels to hunt eggs.

I love having young kids and deciding what traditions we as a family are going to establish. I love the idea of Easter baskets, although growing up in a large family I didn't regularly get one. In fact, I think I may have gotten a basket once, thanks to my older sister! But while cruising the local stores I see that it would be easy to get caught up in all the massive amounts of toys and candy that you can get for baskets. It's a bit overwhelming, yes? Plus I don't like the idea of faux grass and pointless baskets that just clutter up the place. So Elton and I decided that we would get useful containers or none at all, and the baskets would consist of the mandatory chocolate Easter bunny (in dark chocolate in case Mommy sneaks a nibble!), and one toy. Grandma already got them stuffed animals, anyway. Am I too practical?

Anyway, because I'm trying to learn how to use coupons, I kept an eye out for toy coupons and am THRILLED that I was able to match coupons up with sales. I got a game for Samuel that was $3 after sale/coupon, and an awesome Rapunzel doll (from Disney's 'Tangled') for $5 after sale/coupon! The kids loved their 'baskets' and Mommy was proud of her coupon skills. We talked about the meaning of Easter and how we are celebrating the Jesus is alive!

Changing the subject....man, can you believe that April is almost over? Time is flying by! Speaking of time, I feel like I'm busier than ever now days. In fact, it's taken 3 days of working on this blog just to get it done. Crazy.

Here is the Gray family on Easter Sunday at our service in Honolulu. Wishing all of you a wonderful Spring and may you find the time to make wonderful memories with your loved ones and friends!

Autism Awareness Giveaway Winners!!!

Well the time has come to wrap up this Autism Awareness series and announce the giveaway winners! Thank you to everyone who took the time to read these posts; hopefully you learned something and that, after all, is the point of 'raising awareness'. And a HUGE thank you to all of the people who generously donated prizes. Let me know if I can ever help YOU with something!

I have debated about whether to include some information about the dreaded "M-word" that all parents dread....melt-downs! Of course all kids have those times of absolute and utter collapse, due to being over-tired, hungry, cranky, and probably, just being two years old. Or three...or four... etc... Because children with autism can be over-tired, cranky, hungry AND then get over stimulated, frustrated because of inability to effectively communicate, and so on...the Melt-Downs can be of nuclear proportions! And because they can often happen in public and cause quite a scene, I thought I would blog specifically about them as my closeout Autism Awareness post. Hopefully, being aware of these can help YOU, as a caring and compassionate person, and perhaps you can one day find a way to be helpful to a parent dealing with a autism-related Melt-Down.

To begin, let me introduce you to Ingunn. This incredibly sweet girl is originally from Norway, and we met during our college years in California. Now she and her husband are missionaries to Estonia. She has two young boys and the oldest has been diagnosed with autism. She and I have been able to encourage each other, and for that I am very grateful. It's interesting because it had been many years since we'd seen each other, and back in 2009 we met up at a conference in St. Louis, Missouri.

At the time, we didn't yet know that either of our oldest sons were on the autism spectrum, but as we talked with each other and observed our kids together, we commented to each other how similar her Christopher and my Samuel were...and not just because they were close in age. We talked about how they both had speech delays and how they acted so quirky sometimes. Ironically, after that conference we both soon had our sons diagnosed and it was very clear why our sons were similar! In our discussions about our sons, Ingunn shared a troubling experience she had while still traveling in America, and she gave me permission to share it here...

One of the episodes that I will never forget, and that just brought out the Momma Bear in me, happened at the Chicago airport. We were leaving the US to go overseas last May. It was already bedtime, and we had to wait in line to go through security, one more time. Christopher was restless and spotted a toy store right next to the line. I went with him, leaving Nate with Michael and all of our hand luggage. But when it came time to leave and get back in line, Christopher had a meltdown. Probably the worst it’s ever been. I carried him (4-year-olds are heavy!), people staring because he was screaming uncontrollably. There was no use in waiting in a long line, so I found a security guard, told her my boy had autism and that we needed help. She took me to the front of the line to take our shoes off, and another lady tried to tell Christopher not to scream (like his mother carrying him was worthless), and I looked her straight in the eyes and said, “My son has autism. Thank you for your help.” Fortunately, a third lady who worked on the other side of the portal that you go through was very helpful. Safely on the other side, she found us on the bench were I was holding Christopher and calming him down, brought our bags and said something like, “I respect you parents for all that you have to deal with. I understand that autism is tough.” Her words were soothing and very welcome after what almost seemed unreal while it was happening. I’m not confrontational or very direct as a person. But faced with having to fight for my son, something just rose inside of me.

This story touched a nerve in me because I've also had similar experiences, and I wanted to share one in particular that is seared painfully into my memory: at that St. Louis conference, Samuel and Olivia were both over-tired after the long flight, weirded out by the strange place and thousands of strangers and hotel room, and having to go to session after session in a huge auditorium with bright lights and loud sounds was all leading up to an Event. Olivia was just mildly cranky but was easily soothed, but Samuel just couldn't handle it anymore by the second night. He just completely freaked out. We were trying to talk to friends but it got more and more impossible as we realized he wasn't just crying like normal, but he was completely out of control. Screaming, crying, gasping for breath, unable to walk, his eyes wide and panicked. It was horrendous. We couldn't get him to calm down at all and we begin to see that this was not normal. We quickly walked back to our hotel (late at night with his cries echoing up and down the street) and got to our room (his cries echoing through the hotel) and tried to figure out what to do. Finally, out of desperation, I ran a full tub of warm water and got him into it. I knew that he liked playing in the bath so this seemed like a good idea. Little did I know that water therapy is often a successful way to help over-stimulated autistic kids, but luckily I acted on instinct and did the right thing. I grabbed everything in the bathroom that could be used as bath toys; the free toothbrushes and cases, soap dishes, shampoo bottle, hair clips...and he began to calm down as the warm water soothed him and after awhile, he stopped crying and just played quietly. We didn't get into bed until after 2 am, and after sleeping late the next day we made the decision to skip all the conference sessions and spend some family time together. We went to the Gateway Arch park and let our kids run and play for hours, enjoying just the sun, wind, grass, and stick fighting. My pastor's wife from Hawaii was speaking at the conference and I REALLY hated missing that, but I knew that my son's health was more important.

Much better! At the Gateway Arch having fun with Daddy.

This was the beginning of a huge mental shift for me and my life, and from then on I began making critical judgement calls about my family and what I would choose to be involved in and what events would just get missed. Being a mom is the most important job I have right now, and if it means that I miss tons of things (I do get to participate in some things), then I am totally OK with that. There will be plenty of time for some things later in life, but I will only have a few years to enjoy my kids' childhood and Samuel may need 150% of my time instead of just 100%. And that's OK.

I am blogging about these experiences so that YOU, dear reader, will understand the next time you see a child with autism melting down. You may ask; what can I do?

So glad you asked!

1. Don't judge. Don't even look judgmental or critical because it hurts to think that people are looking at you as if you are a bad parent who simply can't control their kid.

2. Offer to help. Yes! Go ahead! Smile nicely and look directly at the mom and say something like; "It looks like you are having a tough time, but I can tell you are a great mom. Is there something I can get for you?" Remember how much better kind words helped Ingunn feel?

3. If the mom has other kids, ask her if you can help watch them or keep them occupied while she deals with the situation.

4. If other people are staring rudely, try to distract them and get their attention diverted.

5. Later, if possible, talk to the mom and ask her how she is doing. Ask her if there is a way you can help should a public melt down happen in the future.

6. Tell your own kids how to be patient, loving, and non-critical of children who have trouble adapting to the normal ups and downs of life because of their autism. I've see a young girl come up and talk to Samuel while he's crying and that soothed him so quickly I couldn't believe it! Kids can help each other sometimes faster than an adult can.

7. Pray for the family.

8. Don't gossip about them or offer advice about how they should discipline their kid better. Yes I've had this happen! I've had people go into lengthly descriptions about the type of paddle they buy and how they use it to teach their kids to never act up in public, and if I would just do the same then I wouldn't have a problem with Samuel. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And now to our giveaway winners!!!

IF YOU ARE A WINNER I'LL BE CONTACTING YOU SOON TO GET YOUR MAILING ADDRESS!

If you didn't win anything, thank you SO MUCH for participating and I truly hope you enjoyed learning about autism.

To select the winners, I collected all the entries, numbered them, and used the Random.org number generator to pick the winners. Sounds complicated but thankfully for number-challenged me, it wasn't! So here are the WINNERS and their PRIZES:

1) Hand-sanded, polished, painted, & stamped wooden memory/matching game made out of tree branches, donated by Cheyenne and Robert Johnson.

WINNING ENTRY: # 57 Becky said...I'm a therapist and one of my all-time favorite clients was a teen with the diagnosis of PDD-NOS. His family always believed in and encouraged him to embrace his differences and pursue his dreams. He is studying psychology in a local community college right now. He left a mark on my heart that will always remind me to look at kids in light of their possibilities and dreams, not their difficulties! Great post.March 15, 2011 6:04 PM

2) Autism Awareness SCENTSY warmer donated by SCENTSY Consultant Shannon LaPuma.

WINNING ENTRY: # 107 Jamie said...I just found you through Evy's Tree and I have to say, I'm so happy I did. I have toddler triplets and 2 of the 3 have been diagnosed with Autism. I am just now trying to find a community and the best resources for them, so thank you!!

3) Navy Lacey Zip Up by Evy's Tree donated by Amy Miraflor.

WINNING ENTRY: #69 kendajo said...I actually had no idea that Samuel did not play imaginatively. I did know that he lined up his toys a lot. It's really interesting to see just how different and broad this really is.March 22, 2011 5:10 PM

4) Hand knitted boa scarf & matching beanie hat donated by Joy McMurray.

WINNING ENTRY: #37 tracie said...I've been educated from your post...wow...thank you so much. I've had so many questions, and I want to thank you for answers. Prayers for your family.March 15, 2011 7:49 PM

5) Autism Awareness wrap by Dainty Button donated by Charity Morgan.

WINNING ENTRY: #75 Audrey said...tweet tweet - this is fun! I'm ready for another post. :) Thank you for sharing! April 6, 2011 3:15 PM

6) Hand crafted hair accessory by Designs by Love, Michelle donated by Michelle Lagmay.

WINNING ENTRY: #26 Sharon said...Follower. Sharon Endsley. sendsley75@yahoo.com

What a great blog!!! I work in a pediatric office and will have to tell some of our parents about this blog. You nailed several fears and/or hindrances in a few short paragraphs. Thank you for being willing to share. :) April 6, 2011 1:41 PM

7) "Freckled Lemonade" hand-knitted bloomer and headband set donated by Amy Stoops.

WINNING ENTRY: #21 diandra26 said...follower diandra (vega) dtristan07@aol.comMarch 23, 2011 2:16 PM

LAST Autism Awareness / Giveaway Post!

Hope everyone had a good Autism Awareness Day (April 2)! I had big plans to wrap up this Giveaway, but got very sidetracked by life. My mom has been here in Hawaii for 7 months, helping with the new baby, etc. She flies 'stand-by' on Delta thanks to my wonderful brother in law, Ron Knott, who is a retired Delta pilot with buddy passes! However the ugly side of flying stand-by means that for every time you easily get on a flight and score first class tickets, there are several times when you can't get a flight to save your life. This was one of those times! Getting her packed, making last minute shopping trips, and trying for THREE days, she finally got a seat and arrived home this morning. I'm thankful she was able to be here and help, and the kids will sure miss Grandma.

Since this is Autism Awareness Month, I thought I would have ONE MORE Austim Awareness blog post and then do the Giveaway. So here is one more chance to get some entries and increase your chances of winning a great prize!

Details about giveaway at the end of this blog post.

For the last topic, I want to share the importance of facing your fears, and getting your child evaluated, if you think he/she may have autistic traits.

Have you ever known someone who thought they might have cancer? I have a friend who suspected she had breast cancer. She first noticed a lump, and got it looked at pretty quickly. The doctor thought it was a swollen lymph node but referred her to get a mammogram although she was in her late twenties with no family history of breast cancer. The lump looked suspicious enough to then operate and have it removed. Thankfully the biopsy showed that it was not cancer, but if it had been, she would have needed to start treatment right away. I've known people with cancer and unless a miracle occurs, cancer doesn't go away and the sooner you get it looked at, the better your chances of dealing with it.

OK so autism is NOT as serious as cancer, thank goodness. But my point is, autism is not going to go away IF your child does, in fact, have some autism-related developmental issues.

YES it's scary. YES it's overwhelming. YES it's life-changing. Trust me, I know.

However, if you suspect that your child has 'something quirky' or 'unusual' about them, it's time to take action!

IMPORTANT: having an autistic child is NOT a reflection on you; you didn't do anything to cause this (taking meds while pregnant, vaccinations, etc.). Having a child with autism does not mean you are a 'bad' parent. HOWEVER, neglecting your childs needs and ignoring red flags about developmental delays WILL make you a bad parent!

WOW that was a strong statement but I stand by it. It's like watching your kid while they stand there bleeding, and doing nothing. Who would do that?? And yet, I see or hear about kids with obvious delays and issues and the parents remain willfully in denial about it. They refuse to face the fact that their child might need a little extra help, and in doing so, they just make the situation worse, sometimes.

FACT: if a child does, in fact, have autistic traits, all the studies show that the EARLIER intervention can begin, the better your child will do. The quicker you can get her/him help, the better off they will be! The brains of kids are still developing during their earlier years, and putting them into speech therapy, social therapy, etc. can SIGNIFICANTLY impact them in a positive way. Most kids with autism who receive help before ages 5-7 are usually able to transition into 'normal' schools along with their peers, and by the time they reach middle school most people won't know they even have an autism diagnosis. Waiting until they are older makes it VERY difficult for intervention to be successful.

So I don't mean to be harsh, but I want to speak up on behalf of the wonderful quirky kids out there who just need a little help.

If you have a little niggling fear that your child might have autism, call your pediatrician and ask to be referred to a child psychologist for an autism screening and testing. In my son's case, I was totally clueless until his preschool teacher recommended that we get him tested. Talk about shocking! But I'm a person of quick action when it comes to my kids, so within a few days I had talked to my insurance and the pediatrician and had called every single child psychologist on the list they gave me. One called me back and spoke to me personally, and made an appointment to see Samuel. He was such an awesome doctor and did alot to make us feel at ease.

Look at it this way: the screening and testing may show that your child is totally fine, without any delays or autistic traits. Then your mind can rest and be at ease! Or, if a diagnosis is confirmed, then you can shift into Momma Bear Mode and start moving mountains to get your child any and all help that he/she needs. I KNOW that most moms would lay down their lives, if need be, for their kids. And while autism does not ask for your life, it WILL require that you become your childs advocate and biggest supporter. As if you weren't already!

So check out the Autism Speaks website here and read about getting an autism screening, and what the biggest clues are about a child having autism.

GIVEAWAY

The giveaway is open to anyone and basically, the more entries you have the better your chances of winning a prize! You can view the FANTASTIC prizes in the prize vault here.

How to get entries:

1) Register here. You only have to do this ONCE so if you already have, skip to #2.

2) After reading this blog post, comment below. You can say anything about this blog post, how you felt reading it, something it made you think of, something you learned, etc. Comment once specifically about this post and be sure to leave your name!!

3) Post a link to this blog post on your FB and comment back here that you did.

4) Tweet this and comment back here that you did.

5) Mention this on your own blog and comment back here, with a link to your blog post.

6) If you didn't read the first Autism Awareness blogs, you can do so and follow the instructions at the end for even more entry opportunities! There is Series I, Series II, and Series III.

Be sure and watch for the next Autism Awareness / Giveaway blog and more chances to win!

Thank you for your interest in spreading education about autism.