I Don't Know What To Call This Blog Post

This is a ranting blog of pure disbelief; are you ready?

Yesterday I was at a 7-11 with Samuel, and there were several people ahead of us in the two lines. I heard a woman buying $80 worth of something and for a second, I assumed it was for gas or some of the liquor or cigarettes stored behind the counter since she wasn't holding anything in her hand to purchase. But then I realized she was buying one of those pre-paid Farmville Cash cards! $80 in cash to play with fake money on a virtual game!

I couldn't even begin to assimilate all the swirling thoughts in my disbelieving brain....about a minute passed and the line moved forward slightly. And then I saw another woman paying $60 cash and pointing to the selection of Zynga virtual game cash cards, as well! "Umm, that one....oh wait, no, THAT one right there," she directed the store clerk. I'm certain this was one of those rare moments in my life time when I was truly speechless.

I fumed all the way home.

I've been known to play Farmville. There, I admit it. It used to be a fun way to enjoy my morning coffee and sort of click around, gathering my thoughts for the day. Once the coffee was done, that was it. DISCLAIMER: I never, ever, ever, once used a credit card or any other means to purchase 'cash' or 'coins' to use in the game. Also, the game got too complicated and began taking up more time than it took for me to finish my morning coffee. I simply quit playing it. Done.

I just do NOT understand how some people can spend REAL cash on ludicrous things like this! I mean seriously people....you don't get ANYTHING in return! You are paying for a pixelated image that exists in cyberspace! I am not an advocate for the lottery, which is another waste of time, but AT LEAST with a lottery ticket you could possibly win SOMETHING, right? I don't play the lottery but from what I understand, besides the huge jackpot there are smaller prizes; you can play scratch-off something-or-other and win anything from a couple of dollars to maybe a few thousand. At least in this case you are likely to win real legal tender....unlike the virtual world where you are buying...what?!? Faster growing crops? More horses to go into your virtual barn?

This is the thing that really gets to me: Hawaii is suffering greatly in this recession. It has already impacted me because as a way to save money, our brilliant leaders decided to shorten our school years and introduced "Furlough Fridays". Kids stay home and go untaught except for the efforts of parents like me, who are fortunate to stay home and try to homeschool our kids. State workers have been furloughed, meaning that on those Fridays, state offices such as the DMV, etc. are closed. Many of my friends are state employees and these unpaid days are hurting them. And then recently, they announced that Police officers would now have rotating furlough days, as well! So we are sacrificing not only our educational system, but now our protective and security forces.

I know about the crime and all the other negative aspects of allowing legal gambling in a state, and so far Hawaii has voted down allowing everything from the lottery to casinos. I have agreed and will continue to hope that we keep that element out of our state. However for the sake of honesty, I will admit that the thought crossed my mind: if dumb heads are willing to throw their money away for computer-generated avatars that only benefit a company like Zynga, wouldn't it be better to have a way for those people to throw their money away in a way that will at least benefit our own state economy?

Bottom line: we are struggling, people. So many of my friends are scraping by, depending on hand-outs from our church food bank supply or public welfare programs. There are people even in my church without a home; they live in a tented-off area of a family members' carport. The whole state is deeply in debt.

And yet, here I find myself trying to understand how there can be IDIOTS out there who spend so much money on....nothing.

OK, end of rant. Sorry for the negative and raging blog post but I seriously needed to get this out of my system!

No Longer A Surprise

It's been so long, but I have to offer up the excuse that life has been CRAZY in the last month or so. Friends going through amazingly difficult trials; marital problems, the death of loved ones, financial disasters, life-threatening illnesses...that old saying about life being a roller-coaster has been painfully relevant. The truth is; I'm sick to my stomach from this roller-coaster ride and it's only by the grace of God that I am still sane.

LUCKILY in my own little personal life there are no major dramas. My husband still has his job. We have a roof over our heads. My husband and I, and the kids, are in good health. The one good thing that comes from this roller-coaster ride is that I am daily aware of, and immensely grateful for, the simple blessings in my own life. Well, one more thing; my prayer life is vibrantly alive and my trust in Him constant!

Anyway, the whole point of this blog is just this rambling notification to those who might care; Elton and I have decided that we want to find out the sex of this baby, after all. We had originally thought we'd like to wait until it's born in November, but we've been having mixed feelings about it and today had a talk.

There are several reasons. We feel like we'll bond better with the baby if we know what "it" is ahead of time. This week I've been organizing and packing away the kids' outgrown clothing and as I did so, I pulled out all the 'generic' sex (green, white, yellow) newborn items to store separately. I feel strangely disconnected as I did so; as if I were just putting clothes together for a friends' baby instead of my own. Later I thought about how excited I was before Samuel was born, seeing all the tiny blue clothes...and how thrilling it was before Olivia was born to fondle all the pink girlie things in giddy anticipation. It's hard to feel excited or giddy over green, yellow, or white baby things, let me tell you!

Plus, there is always an element of disappointment when you find out what the baby is NOT. Well, for us there is anyway. We thought Samuel might be a girl (the needle test said it was!) and when we found out he wasn't, we were thrilled, but it took a couple of days to mentally give up the idea of a sweet girl. Of course we were profoundly happy to have our firstborn son! With Olivia we were excited beyond measure to know we were having our sweet girl but admittedly, slightly sad that Samuel wouldn't have a brother....yet. Maybe we're just sentimental weirdos but I'm just being honest.

We REALLY want a boy this time so Samuel will have a brother, Elton especially so. But we REALLY want a girl to make sure that Olivia has a sister, and I have such a close relationship with my sisters that I would be fine, too, if all the rest of my children were girls! So see....when we find out what "it" is there will still be slight feelings of disappointment one way or another. And I'd MUCH rather deal with that now, months before the baby arrives, so that when we are in the delivery room we'll be 100% ready and excited!

Last reason, and this one is more personal; I've been holding in feelings of excitement about this baby because of my fear of losing it. I guess having had a miscarriage will do this to you. I feel like if I find out what "it" is, I'll be able to relax some more and allow myself to bond even more with this one. I'm almost 20 weeks; halfway, and surely by now I can let myself revel in this blessing a bit more.

AND SO....next week is our ultrasound and it will be a fun family event; the four of us peering at the grainy, fuzzy black and white ultrasound images, anxiously trying to see what "it" is that we expecting!

Ending on a funny note; Samuel is totally into the "I got your nose" game, except that he's taken it one step further by pretending to grab your nose, pop it into his mouth, chew and swallow it with a very exaggerated gulp that produces a burp. Well yesterday the kids were watching me dress and Olivia did her sweet smile and wave with a "Hi baby!", and Samuel put his hands on either side to gently squeeze while he kissed my tummy. Then he hesitated, and quickly grabbed at my belly and held up his hand; "Mommy, I got the baby's nose!" he squealed, and then of course "ate" it.

Poor "it"; not even born yet and already missing "it's" nose. Just a small sign of the years to come with an older brother and sister....